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*$10 storyteller*Sick of going through pathetic job ads, all of which are either way too technical or part of that blood-filled medical realm you can't bear contemplating? Been downsized, laid off, set aside, lied to, ill-used, or simply annoyed by the lack of employment opportunities? Well, don't just sit there, make $10 complaining about it on camera! Then we'll add your kvetching to all the other whiny "why me?" videos on our website, and give you $10, which is roughly the price of a 12-pack. So, get your story straight and give us a holler! 
*Apsirant*Important aspects of this job: your ability to show up fairly late in the morning and get chatty. Then there will be some time spent with work equipment, for which we'll gladly pay almost twice the local rate. What'll actually end up happening for most of you is that you start getting junk email requesting that you submit to a credit check. But for the right talker, we're really going to shell out the extra bucks, so come on, life and job searches are lotteries, and you can't win if you don't play.
*New page turner*Guys, I feel your pain, because I, too, know what it's like to have the world turn its back on a good, solid human being who's lived a productive and profitable life. And if you used to make the big bucks, here's a fresh alternative for you to consider: making less. That's right, you're not going to be earning in the stratosphere like you always used to, but still more than the average bear can expect. And you'll only have to attend a couple of meetings per week, so it's a win-win situation. Just not as winning as it was back in the day. People, you have to move with the times, go with the flow, bend in the wind, and all those other flexible metaphors, got it? So, come on, get on with that life of yours, already.
*Hunting position*
Hey, y'all, I had this great idea about selling game meat to restaurants and whatnot, right? But buying and selling game turns out to require a special license or purchase from a game farm. All I know is, with these tough times and whatnot, some folks must be getting their meat on the sly. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I seen a deer, or heard about someone hitting one on the highway, have you? Or even an armadillo, now that I thinks on it for a few more seconds. And I knows I had squirrel stew just last week at my Aunt Rhoda's birthday party.
Looks like I’ll never make much money, don't it, huh? But I'm havin' me some ideas, trying to get attention in some way. Was this thing a job ad or just a personal moment? I’m begging them publishin' folks not to take it down, but I knows they will. Go ahead, laugh at me, or hire me. With a closing line like that, it sounds like maybe I’m the one looking for work. All honesty? I’m not sure what the hell’s going on, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and maybe you just had to be there, and I'm hungry.
