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*$10 storyteller*Sick of going through pathetic job ads, all of which are either way too technical or part of that blood-filled medical realm you can't bear contemplating? Been downsized, laid off, set aside, lied to, ill-used, or simply annoyed by the lack of employment opportunities? Well, don't just sit there, make $10 complaining about it on camera! Then we'll add your kvetching to all the other whiny "why me?" videos on our website, and give you $10, which is roughly the price of a 12-pack. So, get your story straight and give us a holler! 
*Apsirant*Important aspects of this job: your ability to show up fairly late in the morning and get chatty. Then there will be some time spent with work equipment, for which we'll gladly pay almost twice the local rate. What'll actually end up happening for most of you is that you start getting junk email requesting that you submit to a credit check. But for the right talker, we're really going to shell out the extra bucks, so come on, life and job searches are lotteries, and you can't win if you don't play.
*New page turner*Guys, I feel your pain, because I, too, know what it's like to have the world turn its back on a good, solid human being who's lived a productive and profitable life. And if you used to make the big bucks, here's a fresh alternative for you to consider: making less. That's right, you're not going to be earning in the stratosphere like you always used to, but still more than the average bear can expect. And you'll only have to attend a couple of meetings per week, so it's a win-win situation. Just not as winning as it was back in the day. People, you have to move with the times, go with the flow, bend in the wind, and all those other flexible metaphors, got it? So, come on, get on with that life of yours, already.
*Hunting position*
Hey, y'all, I had this great idea about selling game meat to restaurants and whatnot, right? But buying and selling game turns out to require a special license or purchase from a game farm. All I know is, with these tough times and whatnot, some folks must be getting their meat on the sly. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I seen a deer, or heard about someone hitting one on the highway, have you? Or even an armadillo, now that I thinks on it for a few more seconds. And I knows I had squirrel stew just last week at my Aunt Rhoda's birthday party.
Looks like I’ll never make much money, don't it, huh? But I'm havin' me some ideas, trying to get attention in some way. Was this thing a job ad or just a personal moment? I’m begging them publishin' folks not to take it down, but I knows they will. Go ahead, laugh at me, or hire me. With a closing line like that, it sounds like maybe I’m the one looking for work. All honesty? I’m not sure what the hell’s going on, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and maybe you just had to be there, and I'm hungry.
*A change*We're looking for 10 people to replace 10 people, because slackers get noticed in this joint, got that? Flexible hours, no experience necessary, but you must have the mindset "W.I.T." In addition, you must be able to pass a background check, a drug test, and have a car, a driver's license, and the ability to sit through the always-dreaded reading of and listening to personal development material. If you can get "wit" that program, you're hired! No, we're not really going to explain anything else about the job at this time, so you can stop reading now & go call the regional recruiter. 
*Clean my house today*Yeah, you know the drill: dust, vacuum, change the sheets, clean the bathrooms, blah blah blah. It's so boring, I stopped doing it several months ago, because it was summer and I had so many fun things to do. But now it's December and the place is starting to smell, and wouldn't you know, I'm having to host this party thingy later on tonight, and...well, I thought my afternoon time would be better utilized at the beauty salon. Can we all agree on that, please? Thank you. So, show up as early as you can, and I'm thinking it really shouldn't take more than three hours to cut through this nasty build-up. I won't tip, so don't bother with corners, areas beneath rugs or anything that's not strictly superficial. 
*Person with RV*You bought the RV and thought retirement would be a breeze, but you forgot about all those details like park fees and gas, didn't you? Well, how's about you park your RV on our property, which is small, fenced, and well-lit. Just do some occasional almost-work, such as telling people where to park, or checking the mail, and we'll provide utilities. Sounds mutually beneficial, right? Send us a note, with photo of your RV, and we'll see what we can work out.
